Taylor,

Hiiiii, it feels a bit silly to be writing you a letter when I’m literally texting you now. But also it’s lovely to know it will be some time before you receive this, that my words will spend some time on their own before the get to you. :’)

And I feel lucky to be coming with them! Even though we’ve talked (I think) everyday, I’ve missed you so much: seeing your mile in person, feeling the tickle of you laugh, your body on mine, your moan in my ear. You got me going crazy! It’s the way just thinking about you I feel all warm and mushy. You feel less away; there’s so much of you I can conjure in y mind, remember in my body. ❤︎

I am so happy to feel this kind of care for you. I honestly think I had gotten a little disillusioned on love. No ones has been able to spark this much light inmate since I was a youthful child falling for silly white boys cause I thought that was secret. With you, I’m reconnecting to that magic of love I’ve only really felt recently in friendship. Im feeling the pull of you in all dimensions. I’m bathing in the warmth of seeing the world in you, seeing all the possibilities of me & us & all of us! — of the human creatures & our non human kin — feeling the optimism of the ability to connect so deeply with your and feel entangled with it all.

( I say all this to be romantic of course. I’m using metaphor to tell you I love you and love loving you. But I also hope you don’t feel a pressure to stay or love me to provide this optimism and warmth. To be clear, please stay. =) hehe, I would very much prefer that. But my point is, you have already shown me, already offered this affirming reminder of what care and connection can feel like. For what we have already had and shared I am so grateful. :) )

Other side note: I feel so conscious of my handwriting.* Have you seen much of it before? I’m also so aware that I have like 4 different handwritings and I rotate through them as my hand cramps (digital age! I’m not used to all this scribbling!) so please excuse the way it fluctuates.** I hope it is legible enough!

Anyways, the thread I was meaning to follow was: 1) I am so grateful to feel these feelings and 2) I am so grateful to feel these feelings for you. You! Youuuuuuu 😍 You are so lovely. So incredible. So grounding. So stunning. So kind and generous. So committed and loyal. So humble and accepting. You genuinely amaze me. There were so many layers of heartbreak when we ended last year, and one layer was just me feeling sad that we weren’t connecting how we wanted, that I didn’t know how to know you, how to be with you. I was sad that I was missing out on you. Cause even though there wasn’t this magic, this depth we’ve made together now, I knew you were incredible, truly unlike any other, and I was just heartbroken that I couldn’t be the one for you or you the one for me. :’( So now to find myself head-over-heels for you in this wonderfully unfamiliar way, I’m just so grateful to feel this for you, to feel so enraptured in the wonder of you. You are so easy to love, love doesn’t ask for reasons, but if it did you’d offer a thousand and one! You have always (and will always) be so deserving of deep care, and I am so glad to feel like I genuinely have so much to offer.

I find myself saying all this and saying to myself — “girllllll, um it sounds like you are really like committed to this girl??” And so if you’re reading this and feeling at al all intimidated/freaked out, fair. haha, it can feel a little scary for me too, but more than that, it really just feels so lovely to be here with you now. So know I’m not asking for anything beyond now. I’m just being honest about the full saturation I see in our now. I’m not scared to talk about beyond, but also don’t feel anxious to. I’m grateful for this, for what we are practicing, what we are becoming. ❤︎

I celebrate you today with all my heart.
Love,
Raya ❤︎

*and spelling — definitely spelled conscious wrong in the physical letter! 🫣
** another spelling error tee hee