and though i want to hold your hand, always. want to be reach out my limb, come a step closer. though i want you to know nothing more than the simple fact that i love you, dearly, truly, that i’m feeling the depth of your aches in the center of my own stomach. though i’m screaming inside, a thousand of me running in circles, crunching the numbers, playing out every scenario, every possible way i could be the aid you need, i stand back. i smile and i ask if there’s anything i can do. i let you go.
i let you face this one on your own. because my god are you strong. it’s every day that i look at you that i see you being and breathing and sleeping and being again that i wonder at your force. at you surviving. at you laboring for you. and you do it so quietly, so assured and sturdy. sturdy in the way i know you are firm flesh wrapped around bones. that your edges trace unimaginable contents. that your skin is taught around your grief, your truth. and so i stand just a little ahead of you, out to your left, visible just out of the corner of your eye, so you know i’m here with you.
i’m here when you want me.
